After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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