I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
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She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
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So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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