yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
