Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
