I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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