If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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