my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
