y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
