the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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