we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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