Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
