I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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