remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
