May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
