4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
