I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
im holly from the hills drunk
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
