I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
