Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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