I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
