I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
