You really coming over, don't trick.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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