I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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