i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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