for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
