I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
