wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
