I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
