I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
