We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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