Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
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Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just had sex on a roof
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I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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