You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Someone shit on the floor
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
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I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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