All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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