just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
