i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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