apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
