she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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