There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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