He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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