I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
It's just like the Real World with babies
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
