I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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