why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
