so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
My friends, they love my intelligence
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
