those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
