My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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