oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
