I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Randomize
