for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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