Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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