so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
