got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You dont lie about slip and slides
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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