Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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