Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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