She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
