Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
