he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
After tacos, we're chasing women.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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