like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
