Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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