He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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