someone threw a dead crab at me
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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