I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He shit in the fireplace
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