when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
