The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
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Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
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Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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