I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
