I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
