You really coming over, don't trick.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
