Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
