i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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